Question # 576: Reconciling Faith and Same-Sex Attraction: An Islamic Perspective

Question # 576:  I am Gay and I have relationship with the age of 64 years old man Hindu man I want to leave this relationship but can’t leave please you can help me

Bismi-llahi r-raḥmani r-raḥīm,

Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).

Dear questioner,

First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.

Shorter Answer: The following is the plan of action for the Muslim brother struggling with same-sex attractions who wish to align his life with Islamic principles:

• The journey should begin with establishing a strong connection to Allah through sincere repentance, regular prayers, and intentional worship. Seeking knowledge about Islamic teachings on modesty, chastity, and marriage is crucial for understanding the wisdom behind these principles.
• Ending non-Islamic relationships while setting clear boundaries. Self-care and emotional healing should be emphasized, including seeking support from trusted individuals and professional counseling.
• Cultivating positive habits aligned with Islamic values is recommended, such as surrounding oneself with righteous company, engaging in charity, and developing strong character traits.
• Continual repentance and spiritual growth while knowing that Allah’s mercy is infinite. Practicing self-control, patience, and reaffirming one’s intentions regularly.

Returning to a life aligned with Islamic principles is a journey requiring perseverance and trust in Allah’s plan (Please refer to the longer version of the answer below for the complete pathway. Also, refer to Question # 256: Homosexuality – An Islamic Perspective)

Long Answer: Below is a suggested plan of action that should, In sha Allah, help the brother who is navigating a complex situation —such as being a Muslim gay individual wanting to leave a relationship and return to a life aligned with Islamic principles.

1. Establish a Connection with Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)

The first step in any spiritual journey is seeking closeness to Allah through sincere repentance and establishing regular acts of worship. This will help provide inner peace and clarity.

• Tawbah (Repentance): Begin by seeking forgiveness from Allah. Allah is the Most Merciful and Most Compassionate, and He welcomes sincere repentance. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “And He it is who accepts repentance from His servants and pardons evil deeds, and He knows what you do.” (Soorah Ash-Shuraa, 42:25)
• Salat (Prayer): Strengthening one’s relationship with Allah through the five daily prayers is vital for spiritual resilience. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing…” (Soorah Al-‘Ankabut, 29:45)
• Sincerity in Intention: Make niyyah (an intention) for a fresh start and a commitment to live in accordance with the guidance of Islam.

2. Seek Knowledge and Understanding of Islam

Learning about Islam’s teachings will help provide clarity and strengthen resolve. Understanding the wisdom behind Islamic laws is important for making informed decisions about how to move forward. It can also help in making sense of personal struggles.

• Study Islamic teachings on modesty, chastity, and marriage. Understanding why these values are central to the faith will help one realize their importance for one’s own well-being and spiritual growth.
• Seek knowledge from authentic Islamic scholars and counselors who can provide personalized guidance. Scholars who have expertise in personal struggles, sexuality, and Islamic law can be especially helpful.

3. Break the Relationship with Compassion and Clarity

It is crucial to end the relationship in a way that upholds both Islamic values and personal dignity. Do so with honesty, kindness, and without malice. This may be an emotionally challenging process, but it is a vital step toward fulfilling your spiritual commitments.

• Setting Boundaries: Since the relationship is unhealthy or sinful, it’s important to set clear boundaries, both physically and emotionally, to avoid falling back into it. This may involve limiting or cutting off contact. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “Do not come near to adultery, for it is a shameful deed and an evil way.” (Soorah Al-Isra,17:32)
• Support System: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or support groups who can provide encouragement during this time. Being surrounded by people who support your goal of spiritual growth can be a significant source of strength.

4. Focus on Self-Care and Emotional Healing

Healing is a long-term process, and it is important to take care of one’s mental, emotional, and physical health and engage in activities that foster emotional stability and personal growth.

• Avoiding Isolation: Engage in social activities that strengthen your ties with the Muslim community. Attend congregational prayers, participate in community events, and find like-minded individuals who share similar values.
• Therapeutic Support: Consider seeking professional counseling from Muslim counselors or therapists who understand both Islamic teachings and LGBTQ+ issues to help you process the emotional and psychological aspects of this transition. Therapy can help address any feelings of shame, guilt, or confusion while also helping you cope with the changes.

5. Cultivate Positive Habits and Lifestyle Choices

It is important to replace old habits with those that align with Islamic values. Engaging in new, healthy practices will keep you occupied and help build a life in alignment with Islam.

• Good Company: Seek companionship with people who support your desire to live as a good Muslim. Surrounding yourself with righteous individuals will strengthen your resolve. Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he takes as a close friend.” (Reported by Tirmidhi; graded hasan)
• Charity and Service: Engage in acts of kindness and charity. Volunteering and helping others can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment that contributes to spiritual growth. Focus on developing other aspects of your life, such as career, education, and hobbies.
• Developing Strong Character: Islam places significant emphasis on developing good character. Strengthen qualities such as honesty, patience, humility, and gratitude. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “…And speak to people good [words]…” (Soorah Al-Baqarah, 2:83)
• Exploring the option of marriage: Consider marriage to someone of the opposite sex if you feel capable of fulfilling marital duties. 

6. Commit to Continual Repentance and Spiritual Growth

It is important to continue making sincere tawbah (repentance) and reciting istighfar (seeking forgiveness) whenever necessary and to continue striving toward self-improvement. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a positive change that will lead to greater closeness to Allah.

• Constantly Seek Forgiveness: Remember that Allah’s mercy is infinite, and no matter the past, there is always a way back to Him. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “Say, ‘O My servants who have harmed yourselves by your own hands, do not despair of Allah’s mercy. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins; indeed, He is the All-Forgiving, the Most Merciful.’” (Soorah Az-Zumar, 39:53)
• Practice self-control and patience: The believers should abstain from harmful or prohibited actions, even if they seem desirable, for the sake of Allah. The promise of a better replacement serves as motivation for practicing restraint. The believers will be rewarded with superior alternatives for their sacrifices, either in this life or the hereafter. Abu Qatadah (رضي الله عنه) reported: The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” (Musnad Aḥmad; graded sahih according to Al-Albani in Al-Silsilah Al-Saheehah)
• Keep Reaffirming Your Intentions: Keep making du’aa (supplication) and ask Allah to help you stay steadfast on the path of righteousness.

Conclusion: Trusting Allah’s Plan

Returning to a life that is more aligned with Islamic principles is a journey that requires patience, perseverance, and trust in Allah. It is a process of purifying oneself, making sincere efforts to be closer to Allah, and living in accordance with His guidance. It’s important to remember that Islam is a religion of mercy and forgiveness, and every effort to improve one’s relationship with Allah is valued. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “…Indeed, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves…” (Soorah Ar-Ra’d, 13:11)

Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.

Wassalaam