Question # 551: I am a married woman with a sinful past. I committed zina with a man, who was not a good man, but I was very young and not guided. When I met my husband I told him that I wasn’t virgin and he said that he accepts me. Later on he started asking questions a lot, and me being scared of telling the truth I lied to him. When he found out who that man was he was furious and he started asking more sexual related questions. I was very uncomfortable, and not wanting to make things worse, I kept lying and hiding facts. The interrogation continued every day, and whenever I felt surrounded I told him the truth. He kept asking me questions and we even spent hours, him questioning me about every little detail(and I forgot about some of them), about dates, hours, texts, even smallest stuff. Afte some time he started calling me names, whore, prostitute, bitch and many other words that I even feel ashamed listing. His behavior changed a lot, and then he started beating me, abusing me, telling me that he is going to find a pure woman, and keep me by his side until he finds one. In the meantime he beats me, mentally abuses me, threatens me in many ways. I have told him that I repented to Allah, and I keep praying salah and ask Allah for forgiveness. But he doesn’t care. He now tells me that I should go and kill that man for taking my honor and for ruining my life, and afterwards kill myself. I kept telling myself that I should endure this because I lied to him, and now I should get my punishment, but now it has become unbearable. It’s been quite some time that I am thinking of suicide, but I am thinking that my family doesn’t know any of this stuff, and they will be ashamed of me. I don’t know what to do, I want to help him out, because he was a very good man before, but retroactive jealousy and my lies ruined him.

bismi-llahi r-raḥmani r-raḥīm,

Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).

Dear questioner,

First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.

Shorter Answer: Zina is considered a grave major sin in Islam. Repentance for committing zina is crucial, and Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) accepts repentance without the need to confess or reveal sins to others. Concealing past sins is encouraged, as Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) is the One who conceals the faults of His worshippers.

In marital relationships, it is important for both spouses to treat each other with kindness and respect. Husbands should not humiliate their wives by referring to past sins, as this goes against the teachings of Islam. Wives can remind their husbands of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)’s acceptance of repentance and the importance of seeking reconciliation. Wise family members can intervene to reconcile disputes between spouses, following the guidance in the Qur’an.

In cases where reconciliation efforts fail, seeking help from wise individuals or Shari’ah courts is advised. Suicide is strongly condemned in Islam, as it leads to severe consequences in the Hereafter. Believers are encouraged to be patient in times of hardship, seek Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)’s help, and understand that temporary difficulties do not justify eternal punishment.

Also, refer to the following posts: Question # 104: Concealing the act of Zina after Repentance, Question # 484: Revealing Past Sins of Zina to Spouse, Question # 502: Repentance from Zina (Fornication) after Marriage.

Long Answer: Zina (fornication or adultery) is a very serious matter, and it is a grave major sin. Therefore, the one who has committed zina should repent to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) and seek His forgiveness. The issue of concealing the act of zina after repentance has been discussed at length in Question # 104. To further clarify – so long as a person has repented, his sins are wiped out as Islam deletes whatever came before, and as the Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin at all.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah) Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) graciously accepts repentance from His servants without requiring them to confess or reveal their sins to others. The act of uncovering one’s transgressions is not a prerequisite for valid repentance. Among Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)’s beautiful Names is ‘al-Sitteer,’ signifying the One Who conceals the faults of His worshippers. He encourages His slaves to keep their sins hidden as well.

Hence, it is not correct to reveal one’s past sins and should be concealed as the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “All my Ummah (nation) is forgiven except those who sin openly.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Furthermore, the husband should not humiliate his wife with improper words referring to past sins; by doing so, he is abusing the marital relationship and violating divine directives and prophetic recommendations. He is disobeying Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)’s order to treat one’s wife kindly as Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “And live with them in kindness.” (Soorah an-Nisa’a, 4:19) Besides, Aa’ishah (رضي الله عنها) said: “The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (At-Tirmidhi; graded sahih)

The wife should remind the husband of the fact that Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) accepted the repentance of people who committed a graver sin than her sin, and when they repented, Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) accepted their repentance and honored them. For example, the companions of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) were upon disbelief, and many of them had committed all kinds of sins; Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) accepted their repentance, and their previous sins did not prevent them from being raised in status.

Also, the husband should be advised and reminded of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) and His severe Punishment. The wise people among the husband’s and wife’s family should intervene to reconcile between them, as Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things]” (Soorah an-Nisa’a, 4:35)

Of course, all of the above should be done in a nice and soft manner as Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) may enable him to be rational, and he might be deterred from this evil act. Furthermore, the wife should not be sad due to this matter because if she has sincerely repented, Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) has accepted her repentance, then she has nothing to lose.

However, if no one in both families can intervene and reconcile, they should look for other wise people. Moreover, the wife can raise the matter to the Shari’ah court or what takes its place. Now, if the husband persists in his wrongdoings while the wife can no longer bear what he does to her, she should weigh things out. She should balance the advantages that she will get and the disadvantages she will incur from the separation and make the right decision.

Last but not least, one should not think of suicide as it is a major sin, and the one who does that is faced with a warning of eternity in the Fire of Hell, where Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) will punish him with the means that he used to commit suicide. Thabit ibn Dahhak (رضي الله عنه) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “Whoever kills himself with something will be punished with it on the Day of Resurrection.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The believer has to be patient and seek the help of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) and understand that no matter what hardship befalls him in this world — no matter how severe it is — the punishment of the Hereafter is worse than it. It is not acceptable, according to anyone who is of the right mind, to run away from the heat of the desert and throw himself into the fire. How can he flee from temporary hardship and difficulty — which inevitably will come to an end — to an eternal punishment that has no end?

One should ponder and realize that he is not the only one in this world who is affected by calamity and hardship. Calamities befell the greatest of mankind, namely the prophets, messengers, and the righteous. If the believer handles it well and is patient, and it becomes a means that makes him turn back to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) and strive hard in worship and righteous deeds, then the calamity will have been good for him and will be expiation for his sins, and perhaps he will meet Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) with no burden of sin. Al-Tirmidhi narrated that Abu Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه) said: The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “Calamities will continue to befall believing men and women in themselves, their children, and their wealth until they meet Allah with no burden of sin.” (Classed as sahih by al-Albani in Silsilat al-Ahadith al-Sahihah)

(The above reply is based on various answers on similar topics provided by:

  • Islamweb.net, a website belonging to the Ministry of Awqaf and Islamic Affairs in the State of Qatar;
  • Islamqa.info)

Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.

Wassalaam