Question # 531: I am a 21 year old female I wanted to ask some sins have been done by me in my past that were not all along by my will it was because of threats and emotional manipulating that was a burden to me I have repented to Allah so many times but past days my future husband get to know about those sins I have told him by myself because I was scared if he found out after marriage… he blocked me from everywhere my heart is pure I have repented to Allah so many times for those sins …. is it hard for him to forgive me about my past? Am I meant to be forgiven? Or I have to accept the face that he left me
bismi-llahi r-raḥmani r-raḥīm,
Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).
First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.
Shorter Answer: You made a mistake by telling your future husband about your past sins, from which you have repented. As Allah has concealed you, you should have concealed yourself and not breached the concealment of Allah. Nevertheless, it is advised to your future husband to forget your past and accept you. He should remember that:
- There is no one who does not commit sins; maybe he has made mistakes in the past or will do so in the future,
- Whoever conceals a Muslim’s sins, Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) will conceal his sins in this world and the next,
- Last but not least, the one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin at all.
Long Answer: You made a mistake by telling [your future husband] about your [past sins] from which you have repented. What [you] did is not good and is [neither] in accordance with shari’ah, nor …wise. It is not necessary for either of the two spouses to inform the other of what they [did] before their marriage. Let he or she who happens to have fallen in such evils conceal himself or herself just as Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) has concealed them. True repentance should suffice.
As Allah has concealed you, you should have concealed yourself and not breached the concealment of Allah. Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated that Abu Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) say: “All of my ummah will be fine except those who commit sin openly, and it is part of committing sin openly for a man to do something at night, then in the morning when his Lord has concealed him he says: O So and so, I did such and such last night, when his Lord had concealed him all night, but in the morning he discloses that which Allah had concealed for him.”
[Now, we cannot change whatever has happened; however,] you do not have the right to tell him any more than you have already told him or what he has found out himself. You can deny anything that others might tell him [as] that could [further] damage your image and reputation.
Advice for your future husband
If [you have] mended [your] ways and has repented to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)…, then [he] should [accept you] and conceal [your] past mistakes. Whoever conceals a Muslim’s [sins], Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) will conceal his [sins] in this world and the next. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) is Forgiving and Merciful; He forgives and accepts the repentance of the one who turns to Him in repentance. So, we should be forgiving and should treat the one who has repented in accordance with the way he/she is now… If the husband conceals his wife’s past mistakes and treats her well, this will be of immense benefit in helping [her] adhere to the straight path and encouraging her to continue living a life of purity and chastity; her husband will also have a great reward for concealing her faults, keeping her chaste and helping her to avoid evil and stay on the straight path, living under his care in a pure atmosphere in the marital home.
[He should also remember that] there is no one who does not make some mistakes, but if he repents from them, he cannot be blamed or punished. The Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin at all.” (Narrated by Ibn Majah; classed as hasan by al-Albani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah)
Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)” (Soorah Ta-Ha, 20:82)
The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) also said: “Every son of Adam is prone to err, and the best of those who err are those who repent.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi; classed as hasan by al-Albani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi)
[Despite the above advice, if your future husband] cannot bear what [you have] done in the past, and he is tormented with bad thoughts… and [there is a risk] that …if he [accepts you,] he may mistreat [you] even though [you have] repented, then [you should not go ahead with the marriage]. But [the advice is that] he should look at the matter anew and think long and hard about [what is mentioned herein]. Let him think about himself, too: maybe he has made mistakes in the past or will do so in the future. We ask Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help him to make the right decision and to guide him to the best way. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) is the Source of strength and the Guide to the Straight Path.
(The above reply is based on various answers on similar topics provided by Islamqa.info)
Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.