Question # 586: Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh, I hope this message finds you in good health and Iman. I am writing to seek Islamic guidance on a very serious personal matter that has left me deeply conflicted and emotionally distressed. Recently, there was a confrontation between my husband and my parents, which unfortunately escalated into a minor physical altercation. Alhamdulillah, no one was injured, and the entire incident lasted less than 30 seconds. The dispute arose because my husband threatened to divorce me and put me out of his house unless my family accepted the children from his other wife. My parents and extended family were unwilling to attend any gathering or be associated with his other family, and that disagreement led to the argument and incident. After throwing me out of the house, my husband later requested me to return, promising that he would not repeat such behavior again. I decided to return to him in hopes of maintaining peace and saving the marriage. However, now that I am back, he is insisting that I cut off all ties with my parents, siblings, and my entire maternal family. He says that, as his wife, it is my duty to obey him in this matter. I am struggling with this demand. I love and respect my family, and it pains me to be told to sever ties with them. At the same time, I want to fulfill my duties as a Muslim wife according to Islam.
My questions are:
What does Islam say about a husband asking his wife to cut off her family?
Am I religiously obligated to obey him in this matter?
What are my rights in such a situation, and what is the Islamic guidance regarding maintaining ties of kinship?
Is it justifiable in Islam for a husband to use divorce as a threat or as a way to control his wife’s family relationships?
Please guide me in light of the Qur’an and Sunnah. I am in great need of clarity and want to do what is pleasing to Allah (SWT). Jazakum Allahu Khairan for your time and help. Wasalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah!
Bismi-llahi r-raḥmani r-raḥīm,
Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).
Dear questioner,
First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.
Shorter Answer: In Islam, it is not permissible for a husband to command his wife to sever ties with her parents or close relatives without a valid Shari’ah reason. Maintaining family ties is a major obligation, and severing them unjustly is considered a serious sin, as emphasized in the Qur’an (Soorah an-Nisa’a, 4:1) and authentic ahadith. Obedience to a husband is required only in matters that do not conflict with Allah’s commands; there is no obedience in sinful matters. Using divorce as a threat to control a wife’s relationship with her family is contrary to Prophetic guidance. The wife should maintain good relations with her family, and is not religiously required to obey her husband in this sinful demand. Seeking advice from scholars or counselors is recommended if harm persists. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) grant you patience, clarity, and ease in this difficult situation.
Long Answer: Let’s address the questions directly based on authentic Sunni Islamic sources from the Qur’an and Sunnah, as interpreted by classical and contemporary scholars:
- Can a Husband Command His Wife to Cut Off Ties With Her Family?
The Islamic Shari‘ah enjoins kindness and compassion among Muslims; this religious duty is particularly emphasized among in-laws, given the ties of kinship that bind them. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy.” (Sorrah al-Hujurat, 49:10) ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar (رضي الله عنه) narrated that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, “A Muslim is a brother to another Muslim…” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
If a husband commands his wife to sever her relationship with her parents or forbids her from speaking to them, then he is committing a grave sin; he is commanding undutifulness towards her parents and the severing of the ties of kinship. In this case, the wife is not obliged to obey him; verily, there is no obedience to any created being in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator. ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib (رضي الله عنه) narrated that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, “There is no obedience (to anyone) in disobeying Allah.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Therefore, it is NOT permitted in Islam for a husband to demand his wife sever ties with her parents or immediate family members without a valid Islamic reason (such as protection from grave harm or abuse). Cutting off family ties unjustly is considered a major sin in Islam.
- Am I Obligated to Obey Him in This Matter?
Obedience to the husband is one of the rights in Islam. If the husband commands his wife to do whatever is permissible and the wife’s obedience to her husband somehow clashes with her obedience to her parents, then her obedience to her husband is given priority over her obedience to her parents; the fulfillment of the husband’s rights over his wife takes precedence over the fulfillment of those of her parents. Ibn Taymiyyah wrote, “When a woman gets married, her husband has more authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more obligatory on her.” (Al-Fataawa). However, obedience is only required in matters that are not sinful or harmful, and within the boundaries set by Allah (سبحانه و تعالى). No created being can demand obedience in matters which involve disobeying Allah (سبحانه و تعالى). It was narrated from Abu ‘Adur-Rahman from Ali (رضي الله عنه) that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “…There is no obedience if it involves disobedience toward Allah. Rather, obedience is only (required) in that which is good.” (Sunan an-Nasa’I, graded: sahih)
Thus, the wife is NOT Islamically obligated to obey her husband in cutting off your family ties.
- Islamic Guidance on Maintaining Ties of Kinship
Islam emphasizes the importance of maintaining kinship ties due to their significant impact on fostering social cohesion and promoting cooperation and love among Muslims. Maintaining ties of kinship (silat ar-rahm) is a clear and emphasized obligation in Islam. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “…and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)…” (Soorah an-Nisa’a, 4:1). Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) has also warned us against cutting the ties of kinship: “And those who break the Covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” (Soorah Ar-Ra`d 13:25)
Further, the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) also said: “No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter Paradise.” (Sahih Muslim) as well as “Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his lifespan to be extended, let him uphold the ties of kinship.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Abu Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه) said: “The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: ‘Allah created the universe, and when He had finished, kinship (Ar-Rahm) stood up and said, “This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off.” Allah said, “Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?” It said, “Of course.” Allah said, “Then your prayer is granted.” The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, “Recite, if you wish: ‘Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.’ (Soorah Muhammad, 47:22-23).” (Sahih Muslim bi Sharh An-Nawawi, 16/112)
Severing ties without a valid reason is a major sin, and the curse of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) is upon those who do so unjustly.
- Is It Justifiable for a Husband to Use Divorce as a Threat or to Control Family Relationships?
The use of divorce (talaq) as a threat or manipulation tool contradicts the spirit of Islamic teachings about mercy and justice in marriage. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) warned against using divorce frivolously or as a means of harm: “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce” (Abu Dawud; graded: sahih). Thus, wielding divorce as a tool for coercion or control is an ethical and religious abuse of this right.
Furthermore, Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) in the Qur’an (Soorah an-Nisa’a, 4:19) reminds spouses to live together honorably and not harm each other: “…And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” Also, threatening divorce for control or intimidation is not in accordance with the etiquette or teachings of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم). Such behavior spreads fear and harms the foundation of marriage, and scholars consider it blameworthy. Also, using divorce as a coercive tool is condemned.
You may try to reach a mutual understanding with your husband and offer him gentle advice; indeed, this is one of the best foundations of a healthy marriage that fosters happiness and maintains love and compassion between spouses. Seeking advice from scholars or counselors is recommended if harm persists. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) grant you and your husband wisdom, protect your family bonds, and increase both of you in patience and reward.
(Most part of the above reply is based on the following references:
- Islamweb.net
- Islamqa.info)
Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.
Wassalaam
