Question # 565: My friend sent me an advert promoting her husband’s quran classes for boys and men only. The contact details were on the advert directly for him. I thought by helping my sister in islam I would post this advert on my status. I am involved in sister quran groups myself and thought maybe a brother or child could benefit from this. My husband did not like this, and called me names, he called me disobedient etc. After his verbal abuse I took the post down, only 2 people had viewed it, one of them being my husband. Did I do wrong?
Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).
Dear questioner,
First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.
Shorter Answer: In Islam, a wife is expected to obey her husband in matters that don’t contradict Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)’s commands. However, the marital relationship should be based on mutual respect and kindness. The Qur’an and ahadith emphasize the importance of husbands treating their wives well. In the scenario described, posting an advertisement for Qur’an classes is generally seen as a positive action, promoting beneficial knowledge. The wife’s intention to help others learn the Qur’an is commendable according to Islamic teachings. However, the husband’s concerns should be addressed through respectful dialogue. The ideal approach involves open communication, understanding each other’s perspectives, and finding a resolution that maintains marital harmony while upholding Islamic values. If conflicts persist, seeking mediation from trusted family members or community leaders is not just beneficial, but also a sign of strength and commitment to the relationship.
Long Answer: In Islam, it is essential for a wife to obey her husband, particularly in matters that do not involve disobedience to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى). A wife is expected to follow her husband’s wishes unless they go against Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)’s commands, such as promoting actions that are not in accordance with Islamic teachings.
At the same time, the marital relationship is one of mutual respect and cooperation. While obedience is stressed, it is crucial for husbands to treat their wives with kindness and respect. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Soorah an-Nisa’a, 4:19) Also, Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه) reported that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, “The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behavior, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (At-Tirmidhi, who categorized it as hasan saheeh) This indicates that a husband should ensure he does not place undue pressure on his wife, nor should he resort to verbal abuse.
In this specific scenario, posting an advertisement for Qur’an classes, which is projective of beneficial knowledge for the community, does not inherently constitute disobedience, especially if the intent was to promote something constructive. The wife’s intention to assist others in learning the Qur’an is commendable. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “…And cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is severe in penalty.” (Soorah Al-Ma’idah, 5:2) This verse highlights the importance of cooperation in good deeds, which can include promoting beneficial knowledge like Quran classes. Also, ‘Uthman bin ‘Affan (رضي الله عنه) reported that the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, “The best amongst you is the one who learns the Qur’an and teaches it.” (Sahih al-Bukhari) This hadith encourages Muslims to learn and teach the Qur’an and, by extension, promote opportunities for others to do so. The husband’s reaction perhaps stems from concerns about privacy, appropriateness, or other personal reasons for not wanting you to share the advert. It is important to address these concerns through calm and respectful dialogue. Understanding his perspective and the wife explaining her intentions can help resolve the conflict. Ideally, the husband should discuss his concerns openly rather than resort to name-calling or verbal abuse. The appropriate approach would include communication and mutual understanding about family matters. If the wife’s actions caused distress unintentionally to the husband, a simple apology can help mend the situation. The wife should emphasize that her intention was to help and not to cause any harm.
Given the wife’s intention was to share beneficial information, and the subject matter aligns with Islamic values, her initial decision to post the advertisement could be seen as supportive and constructive. However, it’s also important to maintain harmony and mutual respect in a marital relationship. Mutual respect should be the foundation of resolving conflicts in a marital relationship. It is essential to navigate disagreements with patience and understanding, maintaining the rights and responsibilities within marriage. If the situation involves verbal abuse, it’s important to address this behavior, as Islam does not condone abusive behavior. Further, if the situation escalates, it may be beneficial to seek mediation from trusted family members or community leaders to foster better communication between the couple, promoting a more peaceful household dynamic.
Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.
Wassalaam
