Question # 559: Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu A) Is it permissible to cut off parents who are hypocrites (in belief) when one loses hope in guiding them like ibrahim alaihi salam (9:114)? B) Is it permissible to be harsh with them so as to not incline /soften towards them 9:73 (al wala wal bara)?

Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).

Dear questioner,

First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.

Shorter Answer: Islam emphasizes the importance of maintaining good relations with parents, regardless of their faith and belief. Children should obey their parents unless they are asked to commit sins, in which case kindness should still prevail. The example of Prophet Ibrahim (as) illustrates that disassociation from a parent occurs only after death if they die in disbelief. Hypocrisy is a serious sin, but judging others as hypocrites is reserved for Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) alone, especially regarding parents. Islam encourages believers to treat parents with kindness and respect while inviting them to the truth. Ultimately, cutting ties with parents over perceived hypocrisy is considered a grave sin, and believers should pray for their guidance and maintain familial bonds with love and sincerity.

Long Answer: Islam emphasizes maintaining good relations with parents, whether they are Muslims or non-Muslims. The children should obey their parents in whatever they order them to do, except if they order them to commit a sin and disobey Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), then there is no obedience to them, as there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness.” (Soorah Luqman, 31:15) Even when we do not obey the parents in committing a sin, we have to be soft with them.  This is the order of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) with non-Muslim parents, let alone if they are Muslims.

As for the example of Prophet Ibrahim (as) cutting ties with his father, as mentioned in Qur’an 9:114, it is to be understood that he disassociated himself from his father after his death and not during his life because he hoped that his father would become a believer. However, when he died while adhering to disbelief and it became clear to him that his father was an enemy of Allah and among the people of Hellfire, he disassociated himself from him, and he shall do the same on the Day of Judgment.

Hypocrisy (nifaq) is considered a serious sin in Islam. The Qur’an describes hypocrites as being in the lowest depths of Hellfire. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “Surely the hypocrites will be in the lowest depths of the Fire—and you will never find for them any helper” (Soorah An-Nisa’a, 4:145) While Islam strongly condemns hypocrisy, judging whether someone is truly a hypocrite is considered a matter for Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) alone. Humans cannot definitively judge who is a hypocrite. Therefore, it is one of the most serious matters for one to declare another person to be a non-Muslim or a hypocrite without evidence, and if this is about the parents, then the sin is even greater. It is reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim from Ibn ‘Umar (رضي الله عنه) that Allah’s Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “When a man calls his brother as ‘O Kafir’ (disbeliever) the epithet must rebound upon one of them. If the person thus addressed is such (then he is a disbeliever) otherwise it rebounds upon him who has said so”.

As for the concept of al-wala’ wa’l-bara’ (loyalty and disavowal), which speaks of the obligation to take the believers as allies and friends and prohibits taking the disbelievers as such and speaks of the obligation to disavow them and what they worship, does not override the obligation to treat parents with kindness. Even when parents are non-Muslims, Islam encourages maintaining family ties and showing kindness to them.

The verse mentioned in the Question, where Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) says in the Qur’an: “O Prophet! Struggle against the disbelievers and the hypocrites, and be firm with them. Hell will be their home. What an evil destination!” (Soorah at-Tawbah, 9:73) is generally understood to be in relation to changing the policy of leniency towards hypocrites in the Muslim community in Madinah, not specifically about the treatment of parents. The hypocrites had been given respite for nine years to observe, consider, and test the right way, and they could have availed of it if they had any good in them. So, there was no reason why they should be shown more leniency. Therefore, Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) enjoined the Muslims to treat the hypocrites on the same level as the disbelievers and start jihad against them, and to give up the policy of leniency they had adopted towards them and adopt a fine and stern policy instead. It should also be noted that this verse did not enjoin fighting with hypocrites but rather did not allow them to take part in the management of community affairs.

Islam encourages believers to continue inviting others to the truth with wisdom and good manners, even if they initially reject the message.

Given the above principles, it would not be generally permissible in Islam to cut off parents solely based on one’s judgment that they are hypocrites. While Islam condemns hypocrisy, it does not generally permit being harsh with parents, even if they are perceived as hypocrites. The emphasis is on maintaining family ties while disagreeing respectfully on matters of faith. Islamic teachings encourage addressing family issues with wisdom and good manners. The children should continue to uphold ties with them and treat them kindly. If a child notices something similar to what is mentioned in the question regarding parents, the first thing the child should do is offer supplication for them and pray that they are guided right, pray that Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) rectifies their conditions, changes their behavior and guide them to the straight path. One should also seek out the last third of the night (Tahajjud prayer) and supplicate when prostrating in prayer for the supplications to be answered. The child is advised to approach the situation carefully and seek to guide the parents indirectly if possible. But this should be done with love and sincerity, expressing the fear that one may be subject to the punishment of Allah and be exposed to the wrath of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى).

In summary, describing one’s parents as hypocrites is an act of cutting ties with them, and this is a grave major sin. Whoever does so is feared to be punished in this worldly life before the punishment that awaits him in the Hereafter.

(Parts of the above reply are based on various answers on similar topics provided by Islamqa.info and Islamweb.net)

Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.

Wassalaam