Question # 104: I want to ask few questions about getting married but I will tell you a short story about me so you can understand the need for my question… recently I met a man once he came to visit a friend of mine at our work place so it was time for maghrib and I was going to the mosque so she asked me to show him the mosque I did after a while the man started chatting with me on WhatsApp and said he wanted to marry me I was literally shocked so I started asking question why he wanted to marry me and he said he doesn’t want to do zina before marriage and he picked me because I am religious and that he wants to come to [my country] to discuss about the marriage. first I am scared but I am praying to Allah about him to lead me but then I also felt guilty because a man like him will want a virgin and I am not a virgin anymore I didn’t want to tell him before it’s supposed to be between me and Allah but I also didn’t want make him have too much expectations; so then I told him and he started asking question like since when how many guys I didn’t tell him the truth about that I only told him about the guy that disvirgined me and when i got disvirgined. My question is (1) was it the right thing to do by telling him? (2) Was I supposed to tell him my full history when he asked?
bismi-llahi r-raḥmani r-raḥīm,
Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).
First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.
Shorter Answer: If you have already repented from the sin of zina, it is better for you to conceal the act and not admit it to anyone and keep the matter between you and Allah. As Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said in a hadith that on the Day of Judgement, Allah will say to the believer that I concealed your sin for you in the world and I forgive you for it today. Since Allah has concealed you, you must also conceal yourself and do not breach the concealment of Allah. Also refer to Question # 103 on ‘Repentance from Zina’ and Question # 484 on ‘Revealing Past Sins of Zina to Spouse’
Long Answer: [First of all, we need to understand that mixing of opposite genders has many bad consequences and obvious evil effects on men and women, such as haram looking, haram touching (hand shaking), man being alone with woman, infatuation, break-up in families (if one or both are married).] Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “The mixing of one gender with the other is the cause of fitnah. When men mix with women, it is like mixing fire and wood.” (Al-Istiqamah)
[As for act of zina,] the majority of the scholars are of the view that if a person has repented from the sin, it is better for him to conceal himself and not admit it to anyone; rather he should repent from it and keep the matter between him and Allah (سبحانه و تعالى). That was narrated from Abu Bakr, ‘Umar, Ibn Mas‘ood and others. (Fath al-Bari by Ibn Rajab)
The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “Avoid these filthy things that Allah has forbidden. Whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allah, and let him repent to Allah.” (Narrated by al-Bayhaqi; classed as sahih by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’)
Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه) that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “Allah does not conceal a person in this world but Allah will conceal him on the Day of Resurrection.”
And there is another report which offers great hope to the one whom Allah conceals in this world. It was narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar (رضي الله عنه) who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) say: “Allah will bring the believer close and will shelter him with His screen, then He will say, ‘Do you remember such and such a sin? Do you remember such and such a sin?’ and he will say, ‘Yes, O Lord,’ until He makes him confess his sins and he thinks that he is doomed. Then [Allah] will say, ‘I concealed it for you in the world and I forgive you for it today.’ Then he will be given the book of his good deeds (hasanaat). But as for the kaafir and the hypocrite, the witnesses will say, ‘These are the ones who lied against their Lord!’ No doubt! the curse of Allah is upon the zaalimoon (wrongdoers) [cf. Soorah Hood, 11:18].’”
As Allah has concealed you, you must also conceal yourself and do not breach the concealment of Allah. Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated that Abu Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) say: “All of my ummah will be fine except those who commit sin openly, and it is part of committing sin openly for a man to do something at night, then in the morning when his Lord has concealed him he says: O So and so, I did such and such last night, when his Lord had concealed him all night, but in the morning he discloses that which Allah had concealed for him.”
Imam ash-Shafi‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) said: We prefer for the one who has committed a sin that is deserving of a hadd punishment to conceal the matter and to fear Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, and not go back to disobeying Allah, for Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, accepts the repentance of His slaves. (al-Umm)
(The above reply is based on various answers provided by Islamqa.info on the topic)
Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.