Question # 362: I’m ____, from ______.im in love with my maternal cousin sister, I love her a lot, I don’t know whether she does.my feelings towards her is madly in love. I didn’t feel anything before, but as of now I can’t spend a second thinking of her. Daily I’m trying to propose her by any means but can’t move a step further, I’m afraid of consequences after proposal, if she don’t accept my love then I can lose respect as a cousin and cant face her in life, moreover I and she visits home alternate days by other works.my age 26 and she is 21.defnetly not an attractions. So please give me an advice how to propose her??????? I want solution now…shall I propose or not, if yes then how…. if no then why?????? waiting……!!!!!!!
bismi-llahi r-raḥmani r-raḥīm,
Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).
First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.
Shorter Answer: Correspondence and contact with a non-mahram woman open the doors to fitnah (temptation). If you want to marry your cousin, the matter is straightforward, just follow the Islamically-prescribed means of doing so – you should propose to her through your wali in which case let your parents talk to her parents.
Long Answer: Among the most important of which are emotional relationships that many people take lightly, so they overstep the mark and transgress the sacred limits of Allah, and Allah tests them with problems that we read about and hear of, in which there is a lesson for every Muslim and for every wise person.
You should note that correspondence and contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Shari’ah is filled with evidence that indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi)
[Hence,] it is not permissible to correspond or converse with a non-mahram woman. If a man intends to propose marriage, then he should follow the Islamically prescribed means of doing so. If the woman whom he wants to marry is one of his relatives, then it should be more straightforward because either he knows about her or he will be able to find out about her from the members of his own family.
[Nevertheless,] this does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related, or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allah.
Our advice to you is that you should propose to her through your wali if he really does want to get married. The permissible ways are sufficient and there is no need for haraam means, but we make it hard for ourselves and the shaytaan takes advantage of that.
(The above answer is based on the answer provided by Shaykh Muhammad Saalih al-Munajjid on a similar topic)
Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.