Question # 167: I know a guy who love her wife and her wife too… but her wife not fulfil his desires. He’s a romantic man but wife is so cold in relation… so that guy make just talk friendships with other ladies and also watch bad movies to relax himself… as he saying I could not do zina but he talking other ladies watching movies is this is not same like zina??

Bismi-llahi r-raḥmani r-raḥīm,

Assalamu ‘laikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

All praise and thanks are due to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger (صلى الله عليه و سلم).

Dear questioner,

First of all, we implore Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) to help us serve His cause and render our work for His sake.

Shorter Answer: The husband has the right to enjoy his wife, so long as he does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her, in which case, she is not sinning if she refuses to copulate. Next, zinaa, in Arabic, means immorality, therefore, speaking to non-mahram women needlessly and only for fun and enjoyment or watching lewd movies are no doubt haram acts and comes under the heading of the zinaa of the tongue, ears and eyes. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “The son of Adam’s share of zinaa has been decreed for him, which he will inevitably get. The zinaa of the eyes is looking, the zinaa of the ears is listening, the zinaa of the tongue is speaking, the zinaa of the hands is touching, and the zinaa of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” And Zinaa is one of the forbidden deeds, one of the most serious major sins (kabaa’ir) after shirk and murder. 

The husband has to fear Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) with regard to his wife, and not make her do more than she is able to do. If his desire is so strong, he can either take a second wife or fast, as it helps reduce desire. As for his haram ways of satisfying his desires, he should hasten to admit his shortcomings and ask Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) for forgiveness. 

Long Answer:

RESPONSIBILITY OF WIFE

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim from Abu Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه) that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and willfully defiant…” (al-Fataawa al-Kubra)

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Al-Bahooti (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honorably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. (Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’)

ALTERNATE FORMS OF ZINAA

One of the worst things that the one who has been disobedient towards Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) can do is trying to justify his sin by referring to something that is worse than it and trying to justify his transgression of the sacred limits by making up excuses when he knows that the truth of the matter is that he was overcome by desires, by his nafs (self) that prompts him to do evil, lust that he could not control and a conscious decision to commit this action.

Zinaa, in Arabic, means immorality, and is used with two meanings in shari’ah: a general meaning and a specific meaning. The general meaning includes that which carries the punishment (hadd) and that which does not carry it. Islam does not give the name of zinaa only to that which carries the punishment, which is just one of many types of zinaa.

Speaking to non-mahram women needlessly and only for fun and enjoyment or watching lewd movies are no doubt haram acts and comes under the heading of the zinaa of the tongue, ears and eyes respectively, of which the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) spoke when he said: “The son of Adam’s share of zinaa has been decreed for him, which he will inevitably get. The zinaa of the eyes is looking, the zinaa of the ears is listening, the zinaa of the tongue is speaking, the zinaa of the hands is touching, and the zinaa of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” (Narrated by Muslim) Al-Bukhari included this hadith in a chapter entitled Baab zinaa al-jawaarih doon al-farj (Chapter on the zinaa of faculties other than the private part).

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “Zinaa is not always associated with the private part itself, but may involve other faculties such as the eyes and so on.” Ibn Battaal (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “Looking and speaking are called zinaa because they lead to real zinaa. This is why he said that the private part either acts upon this or it does not”

Zinaa is one of the forbidden deeds, one of the most serious major sins (kabaa’ir) after shirk and murder.

PIECE OF ADVICE

The husband should strive to create love and affection between him and his wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’iah ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in his approach, and in sha Allah, he will get what he wants.

The husband has to fear Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) with regard to his wife, and not make her do more than she is able to do. He should be kind to his wife and treat her in a reasonable manner. If his desire is so strong, he can either take a second wife or fast, as it helps reduce desire. Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) has permitted men to marry up to four, on condition that he treat them all fairly.

As for his haram ways of satisfying his desires, he should hasten to admit his shortcomings and ask Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) for forgiveness. Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), He will compensate him with something better than it.

(The above reply is based on various answers by Islamqa.info)

Allahu A’lam (Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) knows best) and all Perfections belong to Allah, and all mistakes belong to me alone. May Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) forgive me, Ameen.

Wassalaam